you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
