i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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