quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
as a side note pls kill me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
