just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
