we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
