I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
