I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
