"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
