It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
