I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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