This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
