we have pet lesbian snakes
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
