I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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