I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
