i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
