thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
