Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize