Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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