At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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