I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
