At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
