Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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