We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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