Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
