I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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