Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize