It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
