Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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