after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
