we have officially lost it.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize