the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
