Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
