I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
