If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you.
Bad choice
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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