is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
