we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
