I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
