Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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