party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You're like the curious george of whores
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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