Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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