He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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