Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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