I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
