just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
