Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
