Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
