good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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