she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize