I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize