Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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