I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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