Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
