My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
