A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
