I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
