I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Damn victory sex feels great
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
