my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
