recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
