She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Houston, we have a squirter
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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