Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize