Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
