Got a toothbrush?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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