My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
