You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
