Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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