he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The Olympian is in my bed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize