i permit you to call me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
