Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
