Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize