i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
