I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone came in the potted fern
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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