i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
