no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
