he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
