is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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