garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
