So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
