Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
