I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
