Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
