we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
