New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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