Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
