It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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