God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
