Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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