'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my liver is dry heaving
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
