Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
