I think my vagina is haunted
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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