I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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