What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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