Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
