a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
