Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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