i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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