Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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