Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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