I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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