non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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