I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
