Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
