How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
